


A bit of sport in this brutal world!

by Lets_Pretend_Im_Not_LarryAF



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Swearing, Yoga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 19:52:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14220555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lets_Pretend_Im_Not_LarryAF/pseuds/Lets_Pretend_Im_Not_LarryAF
Summary: Wade is dead-set on doing couples yoga and Peter’s not too sure what to think.





	A bit of sport in this brutal world!

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Un peu de sport, dans ce monde de brutes !](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6168412) by [Voidonce](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Voidonce/pseuds/Voidonce). 



> Translator's Notes:  
> My first translation, please be nice. Comments, constructive feedback and suggestions all appreciated.
> 
> Author's Notes:  
> Based on a prompt.  
> Established relationship, Wade and Peter are slightly out of character, so please don’t get mad if you don’t like it. You’ve been warned. Also I am in no way responsible for any potential loss of your brain cells (or mine..)  
> Finally, the voices in Deadpool’s head are in bold and italics.

“No. I don't want to.”

“Oh, come on Spidey, you’ll love it, it's cool!”

“Nope, no way. I REALLY don't want to.

“Calm down, chill, relax. It'll be a laugh.

A laugh? No way. Right now, Peter Parker was about a million miles from a having a laugh. Not even a shadow of a smile crossed his face. Instead he looked tired and hopeless. So no. He was completely serious when he said he didn't feel like it.

Unfortunately, once Wade Wilson had an idea in mind, he didn't have any others…. as a manner of speaking.

The two men found themselves in the living room of their apartment. Wearing sneakers and light t-shirts, they were both sitting on a gym mat, their eyes glued to an open book in front of them.

A yoga book.

A couples yoga book.

Seriously, Peter had given up trying to understand where his boyfriend's mad ideas came from. Trying to understand Deadpool was way too hard … and for his own mental health, it was better not to ask.

“So, you see? All I need to do is put my foot there, and then you get in that position there..”

See? Right, no worries at all. Peter Parker saw very clearly. What he absolutely saw, was not only a yoga position but also imminent demise. 

“Why do I have to be the one on top?” asked the younger man, unable to avoid cringing anymore.

_“ On top, on top…”_

**“Fuck, yoga was a brilliant idea! We can make heaps of innuendos!”**

“Ah, I see for once, I let you get on top...”

Parker scrunched up his eyebrows and shot a dark look at his Wade, who was currently cackling loudly from where he was sitting.

“Ahahaha, this position here is amazing!”

**“Holy shit, we really are genuis!”**

_“Nah, but haven’t you seen?”_

Spiderman hit the mercenary in the shoulder, and he stopped laughing. He turned to face his boyfriend, and watched him for a moment before getting up.

“What the hell are you doing now?” asked the spider wearily.

“I’m putting on a bit of music to create the right atmosphere!”

Peter rolled his eyes. He was almost certain his boyfriend was going to choose music more suited to a high-end stripclub, but, as it happens, he’s not quite right. Wade had barely walked back to the mat before the first notes of [Wham!’s Careless Whisper](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izGwDsrQ1eQ/) float through the room.

“ You’re not serious, are you?”

“Come on, it’s Wham!”

_“Jesus, kids these day wouldn’t know good music if it hit them in the face!”_

**“How can he not like it??”**

Spiderman let out a deep sigh, already exhausted before they’d even got to the actual yoga.

“Come on, let’s get to it” he said while tapped distractedly at the yoga mat and avoided looking at Deadpool, who was shimmying enthusiastically to his jam. 

“In a rush to start?”

“In a rush to be done, more like it.”

The merc let himself fall to the ground. He gentle shoved his boyfriend and got into place on the mat, back to the floor.

“So, you climb up”

**“Ah yes, climb us!”**

_“Straddle us!”_

The spider let out an umpteenth sigh, before trying to do the pose over the waist of the merc. Deadpool placed his feet on Peter’s lower back. ( **“Ah, this damn back!”** _“Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it, you cannot think about it. What?”_ ) Without waiting, the merc pushed up, straightening his legs. 

“Hold on, wait, shit wait, wait goddamnit !” Peter cried out, wide-eyed, before falling to the floor.

Deadpool sat up straight away and watched the younger man, with a vaguely worried expression.

“Jeez, you need to do more sport, you’re not meant to be there”

**“Except in bed.”**

“Shut the hell up Wade, you didn’t warn me!”

“I don’t see the problem, I never warn you in bed when we mujusnhsush! »

Blushing bright red, Peter couldn’t stop himself from slapping his hand over his boyfriend’s mouth. Unfortunately, the barrage of words coming from the mercenary’s mouth didn’t last very long as he instead bit the middle of Peter’s hand, making him to jump and move away.

“Ah, c’mon that’s not okay?” he spluttered, looking down at the red teeth-shaped marks left by Wade.

“I don’t get why you wouldn’t let me finish! Except for the readers, no-one can hear us.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about, and you know it!” 

The two men stared stonily at each other, determined not be the first to crack. Several long minutes passed - with Wham! still blaring mockingly in the background, obviously on repeat, before they decided to get back to what they’d originally planned to do (more accurately ‘what Deadpool had planned’), doing some yoga.

As a couple.

_“Yeah, ‘cause that detail is the most important one here.”_

The started looking in the book for a sex position, ahh. Sorry a “yoga” position that was a bit less complicated.

“Oooh, this one here seems a bit more standard.” Peter commented, pointing to a basic pose, praying his boyfriend’s new obsession wouldn’t last long. 

Deadpool agreed and, soon, was laying back on the floor again (he’d explained that he liked to be straddled by his spider, a spider who simply groaned, too tired to fight it) and Peter found himself on top. Wade had his arms and legs in the air, hand holding Peter’s shoulders and legs pressing into his hips. It went without saying that this position was a lot simpler. And Peter was grateful for that. He was already imagining being back on the ground and done with this godforsaken yoga, when suddenly the music stopped. 

“What the hell is this?” thought a particularly grumpy Wade, “I put it on repeat!”

\- “Yeah , but the story needs to move along.”

“Oh, you’re a pain in the arse of a writer.” 

Without thinking twice, the merc let boyfriend fall so he could go put the music back on. Unfortunately, Peter fell straight on top of him and Deadpool found the position so comfortable he seemed to forget that he planned to put the music back on. He slid his hands down to squeeze a surprised Peter’s ass. 

“ What exactly do you think you’re doing there?” 

“Do you want me to draw you a picture? Cause I can do it, easy as pie!”

“Nah, it’s alright.”

And that’s how their little workout ended. With a depraved Deadpool who didn’t waste any time getting undressed, with a Spiderman who let him do it, both happy to be finished with the bizarre positions and excited at the thought of another ‘workout’ in the very near future, and with a Wham! CD laying forgotten in the CD player.


End file.
